Relationships tend to be extremely fragile. A wrong word or misconstrued look can shatter a relationship that you’ve built and maintained for weeks, months or even years – forever ending a seemingly great partnership.
The blowup may have resulted from pent-up feelings that you and your spouse or partner ignored until it was too late. One small mistake or words chosen in anger or without thought, and you reached the boiling point – hurling you both over the edge. Now, the relationship stands on the threshold of finality.
Many great relationships have ended because of a moment of anger, misunderstanding, or hurt feelings. But if you both care deeply for each other, the relationship doesn’t have to end.
You can work it out (whatever it is) and put your relationship back on track to make the bond between you stronger than ever. Working through the pain (and possible anger) that you’re feeling right now isn’t easy – and it takes complete commitment.
You must mentally turn back the clock and remember what first attracted you to each other and work from there, rebuilding the love and compassion that used to be. Whether the breakup just happened or divorce proceedings are underway, there is hope. You can pull your relationship from the brink of disaster no matter what caused the split if you’re committed to learning the basic rules of making up.
Losing a loving relationship can cause physical pain as well as mental anguish. You may feel that a band is wrapped tightly around your chest and it’s difficult to breathe – especially when you think of the good times you had together or the words or actions that led to the breakup.
You may also be confused and angry, knowing that you want him back, but clueless about how to do it and still retain your dignity and pride. If the breakup was totally your fault a simple, heartfelt apology might do the trick. But relationships are usually more complicated than that and making up requires more thought and planning.
You can think and plan later – but the most immediate concern should be staying together until you can work out your problems, whatever they may be. If you know that the two of you still have a connection and you both want the relationship to succeed – stop and think about the following steps designed to keep you together until you can sort through the ruins of your relationship.
Immediate Steps You Can Take to Keep Your Relationship Intact:
Step One: Call a truce!
Swallow your pride and tell him or her that you’d like to try and make the union work – together. Don’t leave or allow the other person to leave in haste and anger. You can compromise later, but right now the most important step you can take is to calm down, call a truce and then think it through.
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Step Two: Allow space for awhile.
After you’ve agreed to stay together and work out your problems, it may be best if you give each other some space until you can think things out and then come together more rational rather than emotional. One of you may want to sit down and talk right away. Don’t. Opt for some space and time until you can approach the relationship problems calmly.
StepThree: Agree that you’ll disagree.
A disagreement of sorts is threatening your relationship, so it’s imperative that when you do discuss problems, you both agree to hear what the other has to say before you express disagreement. You may never come together on a point of view, but at the very least you can respect the other’s opinion.
Step Four: Identify the problem.
The blowup that made you both want to run away may not be the root problem. Perhaps you’ve been silently seething about something that the other is oblivious to. The problems may be imagined or real, but you both have to acknowledge it before you can work it out.
Step Five: Be patient.
One conversation or meeting may not put your relationship back on track immediately. You may never reach a complete understanding. Be patient with the process and keep in mind what you want the result to be. If you’re making the effort to patch things up, patience and time are on your side.
Step Six: Listen!
Stay calm and listen to what your partner has to say before you fly off on a tangent and say things that you’ll probably regret later. By listening to the words (even though you might not agree), you’ll be sending the message that you really want to understand. Also, notice his expressions and body language. They’ll offer many clues to what he’s really feeling.
Step Seven: Be ready to compromise.
You and your partner are probably not going to agree on everything you want to happen. At this point, try to find a compromise that you can both live with – without letting go of your own morals or beliefs.
Step Eight: Seek counseling.
A counselor may be the best route to successfully solving problems that pose a risk to your relationship. Even if your partner refuses to participate, you can help yourself by having an objective person to talk to. Never ask friends or relatives to take sides and help you solve the problems. You may resent them if they agree with your partner’s point of view.
It’s important that you go slowly when attempting to repair your relationship. If you completely ignore the problems you know are there and leap back into the liaison, the same issues will arise again and again, threatening your happiness and your future together.