Relationships tend to be extremely fragile. A wrong word or misconstrued look can shatter a relationship that you’ve built and maintained for weeks, months or even years – forever ending a seemingly great partnership.
The blowup may have resulted from pent-up feelings that you and your spouse or partner ignored until it was too late. One small mistake or words chosen in anger or without thought, and you reached the boiling point – hurling you both over the edge. Now, the relationship stands on the threshold of finality.
One of the keys to forming and keeping a great relationship is to work on yourself first.
A breakup might be the wakeup call you need to change some things about yourself – perhaps you neglected the relationship, taking it for granted.
Or maybe you ignored warning signs that the relationship was becoming tattered at the edges and needed attention and repair. No matter what the cause of the separation, it makes sense that you take time to look closely at yourself before you can determine how to mend the relationship.
Ask yourself if the same problems threatened or ended past relationships, if there have been others. You may be repeating the same self-destructive patterns that helped to destroy other associations – whether love, work, family or friends. It’s important that you dissect what makes you tick with others before the present relationship can be rescued.
Keep a journal through this time of healing. Return to it from time to time and try to pinpoint certain patterns in your emotions and actions that keep recurring and causing possible harm to the relationship. It’s an exciting and rewarding journey when you begin to explore your deepest and most passionate self. Oprah Winfrey calls it “finding your authentic self.”
Once you discover your “authentic self,” a unique power will be yours. It’s the power of being able to take complete control of your life, including those emotions that sabotage relationships – jealousy, anger, envy and other negative feelings. You’re able to focus on positive events and people in your life and to overcome destructive elements that threaten to cause depression, frustration and anger.
Your authentic self will help you identify and take control of emotions you experience from day to day. Ask yourself where these negative emotions are coming from. It could be a past experience as far back as your early childhood – or maybe a recent rejection from someone you loved and respected. Don’t let a past experience take over your present life and make you feel less than adequate. Learn how to control it and see it for the lie that it is.
As humans we tend to repeat old behaviour patterns, even when we know very well that we don’t actually like the results we get. There’s an element of safety in being certain of the outcome of our behaviours. This may sound contrary but we do tend to want certainty – to know what we’re going to get. So challenging your old behaviours and emotions might feel a little uncomfortable at first.
If you find yourself repeating an old behaviour you can stop and ask yourself “do I like the way this makes me feel?” If the answer is no then you can ask “how would I rather feel, what do I need to do differently to have that feeling?”
Your relationship has broken up and you’re heartbroken. You don’t know what went wrong or why, but you’re desperate to get your ex back.
If that sounds familiar to you then this ebook is just what you need. Over 9 chapters I’ll walk you through understanding what led to the break up and what part you each played.
I’ll help you get clear on what you really want in a partner and how your ex stacks up against your ideal.
I’ll talk you through some essential do’s and don’ts when you’re in the breakup/makeup stages and the best strategies for winning your ex back.
Finding Purpose in Your Life – With or Without a Partner
It’s important that you develop your own self-esteem whether you have a “significant other” or not. Having a purpose in life, separate from your partner’s makes them see you as the unique individual you are and not just their wife/husband/partner.
Maybe you’ve been putting off some major changes in your life – such as losing weight or getting into an exercise program. Do it now – establish balance and harmony in your life to discover your real purpose.
Your purpose in life can also be described as your life’s mission or passion. When you discover what it is you really want out of life and learn how to get it, it’s like an awakening or a spiritual experience. Everything else in life becomes dim in comparison to reaching the pinnacle of your purpose in life.
When your partner sees that you’ve become empowered through the self-confidence you’ve achieved from having an actual purpose in life, you instantly become a more desirable and sexy person. Power exudes sexiness – whereas mousiness and indecision gets you nowhere.
Maybe you’ve been a doormat in the relationship, and he’s lost respect for you. Determine from now on to get rid of the doormat image – say what you mean and mean what you say – and say it loudly. Don’t cower in a corner when asked how you feel or what you think about something just because you might hurt someone’s feelings. People will respect you much more if you’re honest and forthright.
It’s possible that your relationship is keeping you from finding your “authentic self” or your purpose in life. A toxic relationship is one that keeps you subjugated and fearful of losing the other person.
You may suppress anger or emotions toward your spouse or partner because you’re afraid he’ll disapprove, or worse – that he’ll go away. But, when you empower yourself by going after your true purpose in life, and your authentic self, you begin to lose those fears and become more able to express your emotions.
When you strengthen your spiritual and mental backbone, you’re more in touch with yourself and eventually become the person you really want to be. You won’t accept a toxic relationship in your life anymore — but if you have a good relationship and it only needs some tweaking to survive, you’ll be able to get it back on track with the honesty and integrity that it deserves.
You’ll feel better about yourself and will gain a new independence that can help you clear the hurdles that life throws at you, like the rejection of a partner or mate. The approval of others will take a back seat to your own self-approval, and you’ll see that life depends on what you make it and not what another person demands.